Successful Negotiation and turning Your Ears on
- Michelle Lightworker
If you can’t listen, you will struggle with negotiation. What’s the biggest barrier to listening? It’s only listening to yourself when someone else is speaking. People are pretty cluey nowadays and they get this is going on. They can feel the negotiation narcissism.
High vibe listening is the ability to fully surrender to the other person’s point of view and take it in, without losing yourself. And it’s about being able to digest that on an empathetic level, to feel how it feels to walk in the other person’s shoes, truly understand them, really get where they are coming from and understand what is motivating them. How can you negotiate with that which you don’t understand? That’s blind negotiating.
Only when you can truly negotiate from a place of authentic care and connection with others will you truly embody a powerful negotiator, otherwise you are just going for the quick sell. This is playing a short game and devaluing the people and potential relationships you could be building. When it comes to employees, if you want the long game, you need to understand them and work with a visceral connection, not an empty one.
So, how do we listen more effectively? Have you ever done an ‘ear audit’? I’ve taken
many people through this via meditation and you truly get to understand any issues or barriers with taking in information. Perhaps you don’t want to hear the truth! Perhaps you are afraid of being controlled? Sometimes we have just turned our ears off and need to turn them back on again.
In an ironic twist, one of the biggest gifts from turning our ears back on is the ability to listen to our authentic selves, not short-changing our own purpose in a transactional way.
Sometimes we haven’t wanted to hear that for a while. It takes a bit of discipline to keep our
ears turned on, especially if we feel saturated with another person’s reality. We can choose who we want to surround ourselves with and how much time we give to each person as that is within our power. When a person feel’s heard, they are more open to negotiate with you.
Choose to turn your ears on and it will lead you to greater negotiation skills.
#listen #listeningskills #negotiationskills #theartofnegotiation #empathy #empathyatwork
Sometimes it's just time to go, you know?
- Michelle Lightworker
It maybe that you just can’t stand the toxic culture of a workplace. Or that you are not feeling challenged anymore with your role. You may be uncomfortable with a company that doesn’t walk their talk or that tolerates the actions of abusive people.
You may have done all that you can to ensure you create the workplace you want to work in. Hopefully you have taken responsibility and discussed the issues with your manager first, remaining solution focused so that you are part of the solution not the problem. Taking an empowered stance rather than coming from a ‘victim’ stance is an important step. Perhaps you were supported and changes were implanted, perhaps they are coming. Perhaps things were minimised and you felt unheard.
The main thing though is to be asking yourself, is this position growing me, my soul?
It may be that, even though it’s not perfect, it’s the perfect learning curve for you. It may be that you need to learn to say ‘no’, assert yourself, set boundaries, not engage in gossip, work on your mindset staying positive or make more decisions from a place of self-value. Every situation is an opportunity to learn something about ourselves.
The right time to go is when you feel you are not running, it’s when you feel you are honouring your next learning. You never leave a job. You simply walk towards who you are. So before you leave, ask yourself, if you are focussed on the next step being one that supports you in your next learning, or if you are avoiding it.
by Michelle Lightworker
Do you really have diversity and an open mind with HOW your workforce nourishes itself? Is that something that you truly value and explore within your leadership sessions, 1 on 1’s or group sessions? You would be amazed at just how closed our minds can be when it comes to self-care. We sometimes think it’s sleep, good food, exercise and just plain old vacations. But it is so much more!
We often put an emphasis on ‘not burning out’ or ‘building resilience’ however when we fill the cup, it doesn’t burn out and we are more naturally resilient.
Crack open your mind and you may find that someone’s way to unwind is really and truly outside the everyday box. This is an excellent topic to workshop and really get to know how diverse your staff are. Here are some examples of how different people fill their cup:
- Creating nature scapes with drawing, woodwork or painting
- Playing virtual reality games that build other skills
- Going mushroom, flower or tree hunting (taking photos)
- Having a spa or bath after work
- Practicing saying ‘no’
- Meditating on their ‘self-love tank’ and how full it is and filling it up with higher frequencies
- Writing or journaling to validate oneself and ideas
- Cooking a new dish for fun
- Solving puzzles
- Watching True Crime Documentaries
- Learning a new language
- Dungeons and Dragons
- Taking dance classes
- Volunteering their time to those less fortunate (a great gratitude reinforcer)
We are a diverse bunch of human beings! If we take an interest in that, we can learn more about how we each tick and maybe get some groovy ideas for our own outside-of-the-box self-care. Variety is the spice of life. Let’s allow our workspace to be spiced up!
#diversity #selfcare #selfcaretips #hrtips #businesstipsforsuccess
- by Michelle Lightworker
If you are not tapping into your workforce’s heart space, you are missing an opportunity. “The heart’s electrical field is about 60 times greater in amplitude than the electrical activity generated by the brain”, says the HeartMath Institute. But how do help our employees to connect with their hearts?
The first step is to take a moment to connect with them. That means you need to be willing to connect. That is a direct reflection of your own heart space – as the heart is the great connector. You may need a little work on this yourself if you are to lead from heart space.
The second step is to ask them what they are passionate about. Inside or outside of work. What do they love to do? What makes them smile.
Then find out WHY that makes them smile. The reason beyond the reason. This is important.
Then you can go about working out with them, how those attributes can be found, discovered, created or encouraged in their work environment.
When you turn on the heart, you maximise a person’s engagement, their productivity, their enthusiasm, and their genuine feelings of belonging with the organisation, team and co-workers. They are more likely to go the distance with your company when they can grow without resistance.
Speaking Out at Work
- Michelle Lightworker
What opportunities do you give your staff to speak out? I am not talking about feedback forms and employee surveys! That is a last case resort to finding out the temperature of the group consciousness of your employee’s mindset. I am talking about the culture of inviting the wisdom of your workforce into the daily business of things.
If they don’t feel comfortable speaking out in a solution focused way about something that has just happened, then there is a level of discomfort, disempowerment and devaluing there. You may be missing out on an opportunity from your workforce to lift the organisation as we know that solutions come in many forms – prevention, de-escalation, strategic planning and even changing mindsets.
Usually, people only feel comfortable speaking out when there is an environment being received positively, not just a ‘thank you’ but giving the person the time of day to explain their viewpoint on how things could be improved. They may not know how things could be improved, but if they know that they won’t be persecuted for speaking up, then they will feel more comfortable to share.
It may be that by them sharing their opinion, it gives you an opportunity to explain the bigger picture, so they understand the smaller steps being taken right now. Maybe the whole of your workforce would benefit from hearing that kind of knowledge?
When we engage our employees, we create a faster way to meet our goals as we are removing barriers. Intellectual barriers are just as tangible as the physical ones, when it comes to ensuring our workforce is engaged 100%. Afterall, what’s the worst thing that they could say that wouldn’t benefit the organisation to have a solution? Step out of fear and encourage open conversations, you will reap the rewards in abundance.
Stages of healthy development
- Michelle Lightworker
You may have heard of the stages of group development – Forming, Storming, Norming and Performing by Bruce Tuckman. They are very closely linked to the stages of Childhood and healthy examples of these stages display themselves as follows
Stage 1 - In infancy we need to bond to our primary care givers and thus develop trust. This extends out to our staff, how connected we feel to our team, our organisation and our role. We learn who we can trust and who to be wary of. We accept help, guidance and mentorship from the people around us.
Stage 2 - In toddler stage we like to say ‘no’ start to set boundaries and thus develop a sense of counter-dependence. At work we can agree to disagree, voice a different opinion, break away from work norms that we don’t resonate with, be more ourselves and set boundaries around our work and life balance.
Stage 3 - In pre-school we start to get a sense of our individuality and to feel independent. We are able to get a sense of who we are in the world for the first time. As work begins to ‘normalise’ we are able to get a sense of our natural competence and abilities. We are not leaning on others for guidance so much. We can own what we are good at and work at things that we need to improve. We are able to engage in reflective practice.
Stage 4 – In school age we learn to work interdependently as teams and ‘perform’ as a connected unit. At this work stage we can feel comfortable enough with our own ability that we drop the need to show off, compete and take all the credit. We appreciate our co-workers’ efforts and are able to work together as a team towards the higher goals of the organisation.
There are also some things we may not realise that influence our stages at work. It’s any unresolved emotional trauma around those childhood stages. So if we never really bonded with our mother, we may have issues with women at work and not respect them. If we never really bonded with our father, or felt abandoned, by him, we may desperately seek men’s approval. We may not trust anyone! If we never got a sense of separation at the right toddler stage, we may be too dependent on others, people please, have an issue taking on too much work. If we were indulged as a toddler, we may have anti-social and narcissistic tendencies, not considering the impact of our behaviour on others. If we never got a sense of our pre-schooler independence, we may rely too heavily on others and lack confidence in our own ability. We may not be able to reflect on our strengths or weaknesses and avoid looking at ourselves, sometimes hiding this behind being a ‘giver’. If we never got to feel a sense of interdependence in school, we may lack team building skills and be too competitive with others. We may also feel a sense of separateness from our other colleagues at work and like the ‘odd one out’.
Work is more than just a job. It’s a reflection of where we are at in our emotional development. If you feel that you are not getting much out of your job, you may be missing an opportunity at to use it as a mirror to what you need to heal from your past.
#healthyworkplace #teambuilding #resolvingconflict #stressmanagement
What causes Acting Out?
- Michelle Lightworker
Where does acting out come from in the workplace?
Have you ever wondered why someone is behaving a little ‘off’ – or maybe a lot ‘off’ and not realising it? It’s like everyone around them knows there is something going on, but why not them? That would be because they are not aware of an unresolved issue that is driving their behaviour. Most unresolved issues come from either the past grief or trauma that has not been dealt with, that is now triggered. It could be that something in their personal life has triggered this, or it could be that work related stress or someone’s actions in the workplace have triggered it.
When people are acting out or internalising by 'acting in', it could be that their behaviour gets immoderate. They may have a short fuse, or act manic, depressed, withdrawn or experience heightened anxiety. Our knee jerk reaction may be to avoid or run from this person. If you don’t feel comfortable talking to the person acting out, you can mention your concern to their manager. If you come from a place of genuine concern for them, then it can give the manager a good reason to have a heart to heart and find out what may be going on for them. Alternatively, you could also talk to them directly. Just asking them “How are you travelling?”, “You doing Okay?”, “Everything ok with you?” can help them to feel supported and perhaps let you into their world a bit. Naming the behaviour is very powerful too. "You seem on edge today, everything ok?" "You're so quiet today , you good?", "You seem flustered, you ok?"
We are not perfect and there will be times that we feel more vulnerable, overwhelmed, and triggered. Having a supportive team, means people don’t jump to conclusions and make an effort to find out how they can be a good work mate.
However, if you have tried to support the person or mentioned concerns to their manager and the behaviour doesn’t change, this can really cause a problem for the rest of the team. If a manager isn’t curbing inappropriate or immoderate behaviour, then this is another issue. You may have to express your concern to their upline so that the matter is nipped in the bud.
#angermanagment #anxiety #depression #stress #healthyworkplace
Deepening trust in the Workplace
- Michelle Lightworker
How deeply do you trust your workforce to know what is right for them? Sometimes we need to guide our employees to get back to trusting in themselves. That way we are part of the solution and connection in understanding what is guiding their actions, motives, willingness and thought processes.
If we insert ourselves into the picture and process, we become part of a deeper understanding of what makes our employees tick. We can even become a catalyst for our employees trusting themselves. And as a biproduct, they will also trust you.
The best thing we can do, is to ensure that we are tapping into the part of themselves that they feel is authentic and that connects with the rest of the world. Sometimes we need to find a common language as this can go really deep. Asking them what their philosophies are in life can be a great start. They may be an avid Christian or believe in a new age spirituality. Once we learn their higher language 'speak', we can meet them on that path. We don’t have to ‘believe’ the same beliefs, but we can find common ground and use that to build a bridge. You may need to do a bit of research. You can start with asking what is important to them, they can educate you!
When your workforce is tapped into their higher ground, they work with a greater sense of purpose, a better work ethic and a deeper respect for you. Their free will is more engaged. Then, they are no longer just 'turning up to a job', they are turning onto their purpose every day, and you will get the best version of them. Their will, will be empowered and super-charged. And we don’t get anywhere if our employee’s will is not engaged! You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make them drink. You can lead an employee back to their source and they will lap up the high vibes! And you will reap the reward.
#buildingrelationships #teambuilding #diversityandincusion #culture #trustbuilding
Empowered and Peaceful
- Michelle Lightworker
Do you create a sense of peace in your work environment around feeling powerful? We all have talents and we all have imperfections – it’s called being a part of the human race. Congratulations and welcome to it!
Our talents are also a representation of a natural flow of power. As a manager, leader or CEO, if you don’t feel comfortable with your own power and imperfections, you will project that fear onto your staff. When you notice people minimising their talent (the proverbial put downs), call it out! “Putting yourself down doesn’t make me feel great, I want you to shine and be your best self. Let’s celebrate that you are doing an amazing job”. Then talk about how their talent is benefiting the team, organisation and you (be human) – use specifics.
On the other end of the scale, when people inflate themselves to look ‘better than’ or ‘above others’, this is a sign of insecurity. This is not authentic power. You can confront this too and talk about how we are all on the way to tapping into our best selves and to discuss other’s talents as well and if they are comparing themselves to others. Maybe ask them how they feel about themselves when they don’t perform at their best – reflective practice on this could be an elixir for them. There may be work here for you to do. Own it and you will see a big shift.
The more peace you have with your own power, the more at peace you are with highlighting other’s power. Power comes in many forms, however in its most authentic form, it is aligned with a higher purpose in serving humanity. That is why our power usually comes from talents that are natural and gifted to us. As responsible managers, if we encourage these talents in our staff, we actually tap into their power. By tapping into that source, we often get the best of our employees.
It can be an actual talent to unearth a person’s gifts, as often, people are insecure about showing their powerful underbelly. They may have been shamed for their power in the past and so are afraid to reveal their true selves. But if you are at peace with your own power, they will feel it. If they feel a sense of trust with you and reveal what they can actually do, you have just unlocked a potent breadth of a human resource. We often think (on the budget/balance sheet):
1 Human = 1 human resource.
No! No! No!
1 Human = infinite supply of resources.
To be the master at this, you first need to realise and claim your own infinite supply of resources.
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world.” Marianne Williamson writes in “A Return to Love”.